WHY I WANTED TO END MY LIFE...
I considered all the ways I could end my life.
From the ages of 13 to 36, I explored the quickest most effective ways I could leave this planet.
As a teenager, the thing that kept me here was ironically how much trouble I would get into with my Father if I attempted to exit Planet Earth.
I would be dead, there’s no way he could tell me off….or could he? I used to think.
By the time I became a young adult I began to numb the pain.
It started with cigarettes, Mum’s Vogue slims...she looked SUPER HOT smoking them.
I on the other hand felt like I was smoking matchsticks.
So very quickly, I moved onto Benson & Hedges Special Filter, then upped my game to Camel Lights, and then went hardcore on the Marlboro Reds.
It then moved to the green.
Zol is what we called it in South Africa - which I picked up at Cresta shopping centre in Johannesburg - right beside where I bought my first car when I turned 18 - a White VW Beetle.
And began sharing the low quality, momentary laughter, and extended headache inducing moments with my friends.
I worked at a liquor store from the age of 14, owned by Dad’s mate Stan (RIP).
So, naturally became one with ALL THE BOOZE, and began distributing that around to all the folk that were game.
This is where I met my first love, and soon after discovered the true meaning of heartbreak.
At school camp when I was 15, I was the beholder of all the spirits and all the green.
My tent was the one that peeps came to for “supplies”
It’s here that I discovered my intuition.
I told them Mr Webster was coming. They told me I was crazy.
Soon after, he arrived.
From then on, I knew that certain things would happen, before they did.
I knew stuff.
I didn’t know how.
But I did.
And I started to lose my mind.
So with the cigarettes, green and alcohol, came MDMA and cocaine.
Anything to stop the visions, sounds, heightened sense of smell, and ability to predict the future.
It wasn’t enough though.
I then discovered sex.
That sh*t would take me to another dimension.
By the time I was 17, I was a cocktail of addictive substances and behaviours, anxiety, overwhelm, a deep sense of sadness, and a lack of belonging at home, school, and in the world.
I’m not sure of how others perceived me.
All I knew was that I was dying inside.
Where we start, is not where we land.
Being Human, doesn’t come with a handbook.
And so I’ve created one.
Your personal framework is the key to communicating consciously and making healthy decisions.
Clarity on what the f*ck you actually desire for your life, will keep you focused.
Your ability to be present, will create limitless time and space in each and every moment.
Knowing who you are, and what you have to offer to others will enable you to access joy.
Learning how to express yourself without fear of judgement, rejection or abandonment will save your life. It did mine.
Mastering how to communicate with magnetism, compassion and understanding will help you to find your place in the world.
I do what I do, not for sh*ts and giggles.
I do it, because I understand the depths of pain and suffering that can often bring us to the point of wanting to end our lives, with no support in place, to direct us to the light.
My dark days are now few and far between.
My addiction to pain, suffering, and not feeling good enough are over.
I’ve replaced it with the natural high of healthy choices.
I know stuff. I see stuff. I hear stuff. I smell stuff.
They’re heightened experiences.
Delivered to me in unexplainable ways, without the cigarettes, green, MDMA, cocaine or sex.
In our young years, we are not taught how to manage our intuition or sensitivity to being human.
I now know how to channel the data powerfully.
And I’ve come to terms with the fact that the very thing that had me exploring all the ways that I could end my life.
Is this very thing that is my SUPERPOWER.
My intellectual, emotional, physical, energetic and spiritual game is strong.
I am not an academic, creative or empath.
I’m a human data processor.
I enable human beings to achieve their wildest dreams in alignment with their higher selves, without burning themselves out, losing their minds, or compromising who they truly are to get there.
What’s YOUR Superpower?
In one sentence describe YOUR SUPERPOWER in the comments below 🔻. We would love to hear what keeps you grounded, here on Planet Earth.
Listen to your inner whispers and take courageous action.
The world needs you.
With love and excitement for your imminent next level of growth.